Indeed, as the TV chat-show host Rosie O’Donnell once said of him: “He is amazing with children. It’ll happen when it happens, you know?” He does a lot of charity work with children. But six months ago I broke up with my girlfriend and that’s just the way it is. Still, it can’t be that Old Triple-stitch is simply not getting it, can it? Call yourself a Latin Love God! He says he longs for kids and “if we’d had this conversation two years ago I’d have told you I was practising, a lot, to become a daddy.

Perhaps mentioning the Quality Street wrappers was pushing it too far.I’M NOT sure, and am never sure, how I feel about men who like porn – and perhaps this says more about me, and my dried-up prissiness, than them – but I do admire Ricky’s frankness. It’s your lucky day.”"Forget about winning the lottery, right?”"Too right.”I’m not, though, entirely convinced that he is going to take me up on my kind offer. I know you want kids and I’m still fertile, although possibly only for the next 10 minutes, so if you’re going to have me, have me now.”"Let’s go, let’s go!”"Plus, as an add-on bonus, for no extra charge, I can also make bloody good goblets from Quality Street wrappers. No wonder she couldn’t hear.”"Like Princess Leah, right?”"Right. Maybe they had a fight in the bakery department of a supermarket somewhere. What kind of porn films do you like?”"Oh, there are some great ones But it depends on your fetish.

What you like and what you don’t like.”"What do you like?”"I like interracial.”"Ricky, seriously, I’m just so perfect for you I’m Jewish. “What’s the sexiest movie you’ve ever seen?”"Like porn movie? Or a general movie?”"Either… both.”"Sexiest movie? You seen The Piano, with Harvey Keitel and Holly Hunt? So sexy.”"Personally, couldn’t stand her hair-do Looked like she had pretzels grafted on to her ears. Do you?”"Sometimes,” I lie, because I don’t want to come across as a prissy, dried-up old stick although, in truth, that’s probably what I am.”It’s a tool that helps you get in touch with yourself,” he continues.”There’s no denying that, Ricky,” I say. Of course, I want to swiftly move on to Muslim theology and the Booker, but meanwhile: when did you first have sex, Ricky? This leads to a surprisingly unexpected conversation Make of it what you will.”I was 15,” he says “It was in Argentina A beautiful girl. Very hardcore.”"Hardcore?”"There were, like, people in the room, all having sex, and then me and her in the corner.”"How romantic.”"That’s why I’m a watcher.”"That’s why .. beg your pardon?”I’m a watcher.”"Um …

you like watching people having sex?”"I don’t know if it’s about watching people having sex but it’s like, go ahead, I wanna see you, know what I mean?”"Do you watch porn?”"Or course Yes. I wanted to create a real global sound.” Are you sick to death of “Livin’ La Vida Loca” and all those black cats and voodoo dolls? “Yeah,” he says, “sick and a half!” On the other hand, he adds, it’s still a great track “Very powerful and fun, right?” Right. And I absolutely promise to use tons of hot water and outstay my welcome, too.We talk about the new album, obviously, because I’m a mature professional and if you are a mature professional that’s what you do Happy with it, Ricky? “Very happy I worked on it for three-and-a-half, four years I went to India, Egypt, Brazil … Know it? Next time you’re in town you gotta stay with me.” Really, Ricky? “Sure.” Well, I suppose it’s the least you can do after all the annoying lodgers you’ve put in my head.

“I live across f the street,” he says, “in Columbus Circle, in the tall tower. When you sit on the toilet you can rest your forehead on the opposing wall. Where am I saying in New York? At the Hudson Hotel, I say, one of those absurd Schrager-Starck jobs so pretentiously illuminated – ie. not lit at all – that you have to feel along the corridor walls to get down for breakfast It’s a miracle I’ve not broken a leg “And the smallest rooms, right?” Right, I say. “I didn’t want to do it but he made me.” He decides not to shoot and instead delivers an ashtray.