As ironies go it could not have been more cruel, and England, whose timing for seizing the moment is about as faulty as a two-bob watch, were essentially a day late. Had they managed to produce bowling of that calibre 24 hours earlier, the destination of the Ashes might not have been so clear cut as it appeared last night.
However, on a ground where they have won just one of their last 10 Test matches, England’s stock, briefly buoyed after their extraordinary morning with the ball, fell sharply once Shane Warne began to work the magic of old.The portents, if never entirely propitious after Australia’s first innings total of 427, took their biggest denting when Alec Stewart was dismissed for 87. Like the good Lord, however, what this Australian team gives with one hand it takes away with the other, and by the close England were 188 for four, still some 40 runs short of saving the follow-on. From the moment the thermometer climbed above the 90-degree Fahrenheit mark, it was always likely to be a day for the unexpected.

In hot, humid conditions more reminiscent of Brisbane than Nottingham, England fought their way back into a match with some of their best bowling of the series, taking seven Australian wickets for 125 runs. Perhaps less naively, the man who sold him, Gerry Francis, believes his job will be “on the line” if Spurs fail to win anything.The indisposition of Chris Armstrong is a reminder that the first weekend seldom reveals much about long-term prospects. A year ago, he scored both Spurs’ goals in the 2-0 win at Blackburn. None of the trio who were eventually relegated lost, Kevin Campbell hitting a hat-trick in Nottingham Forest’s canter at Coventry.Leeds scored three – away – whereas Alan Shearer failed to find the target. Wednesday embarked on a run of four wins and Wimbledon suffered the first of three defeats, although David Beckham’s 60-yard strike against them did prove to be a sign of the champions’ supremacy.. John Barnes, having relinquished the armband, guested on Celebrity Ready, Steady Cook last night; whether he appears on Match of the Day must be open to question.Teddy Sheringham assumes Eric Cantona’s mantle as Manchester United’s link-man at White Hart Lane, and expects a warm reception from his former fans.

The Colombian’s off-the-cuff style makes him unplayable on his day.Liverpool’s bid to finish top for the first time since 1990 opens at Wimbledon, where one point of interest will be the identity of Roy Evans’ captain The smart money is on the self-styled “Guvnor”, Paul Ince. Faustino Asprilla has the task of deputising for Alan Shearer – and Les Ferdinand, come to that – which will not necessarily be easier for Wednesday. The Gunners’ visit to Leeds is the fourth time Arsene Wenger has pitted his wits against George Graham, each winning once.While a repeat of February’s 0-0 stalemate at Elland Road would not surprise anyone who saw Leeds last season, Graham is looking to his new Dutch striker, Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink, to emulate a player he brought to Highbury. “Ian Wright is a goal machine,” he said, “but hopefully we’ve got one here.”At Newcastle, five of Kenny Dalglish’s six newcomers are set to start against Sheffield Wednesday. After being patronised by media luvvies, working through a shopping list of cliches stretching from Michael Parkinson and Dickie Bird to mining and whippets, Danny Wilson’s team will be more eager than most for the end of the phony war.Oakwell’s inaugural Premiership visitors, West Ham, begin as they did last August, ravaged by injury.

They were then bereft of forwards; now it is defenders, a problem Harry Redknapp hopes to alleviate by giving Danny Williamson plus pounds 1m for Everton’s David Unsworth.Of the quintet who have filled the top positions for the past two years, Arsenal and Newcastle will parade most new faces. There is, however, an abundance of exotic new names striving to burn their way into the popular consciousness, much as Fabrizio Ravanelli did with his hat- trick 12 months ago.On the opening day of the 1995-96 season, after a youthful Manchester United lost at Aston Villa, Alan Hansen made an assertion that came back to haunt him: “You win nothing with kids.” The question tonight – particularly pertinent to Arsenal as well as Chelsea – may be whether it is possible to win the championship with a team largely made up of foreigners.Even Barnsley, whose badge depicts a British bulldog, have recruited almost exclusively overseas in preparation for their first campaign at the highest level. Spurs paid pounds 1.6m to take him from under Southampton’s noses.Dominguez is ineligible to face Manchester United tomorrow. The composition of Chelsea’s squad under Gullit is now such that the joke would be lost on his new colleagues, who are more likely to nickname him “English”.The polyglot trend is by no means confined to Chelsea. Tottenham also unveiled a late recruit in Jose Dominguez, the Subbuteo-sized winger who played for Birmingham before joining Sporting Lisbon and winning caps for Portugal. Their managing director, Colin Hutchinson, admitted: “Selling him was a mistake which has taken four and a half years and pounds 5m to rectify.”In his previous spell at Stamford Bridge, Le Saux’s Channel Island origins earned the dressing-room moniker “Bergerac”.

Arsenal backed off, but Ruud Gullit succeeded with a reduced offer.
The England wing-back, 28, drove to London overnight, passed a medical at 1am and an hour later became the FA Cup holders’ record buy at pounds 100,000 more than Roberto Di Matteo. Chelsea saved one of the summer’s biggest transfer coups for the eve of the new season, re-signing Graeme Le Saux from Blackburn for pounds 5m in time for him to play in today’s Premiership opener at Coventry. Le Saux, rated at a mere pounds 650,000 when he was shunted out of Chelsea by Dave Webb in 1993 in part exchange for Steve Livingstone, had been valued at pounds 7m by Blackburn. The other team takes the kick-off to start the match.A goal may be scored from the kick-off.The ball is in play when it is kicked and moves forward.Law 12 – Fouls and misconductAn indirect free-kick is awarded if a goalkeeper handles the ball after receiving it from a throw-in from his own team.Unsporting behaviour has replaced ungentlemanly conduct as a cautionable offence.Failing to respect the required distance when play is restarted and delaying the restart of the play have become cautionable offences.The International Football Association Board decisions 13 and 14, which relate to the denial of obvious goal-scoring opportunities, have now become law.Using offensive, insulting or abusive language has replaced foul or abusive language.Law 13 – Free-kicksThe ball is in play when it is kicked and moves.Law 14 – The penalty kickThe defending goalkeeper remains on his goal line, facing the kicker, between the goal posts until the ball has been kicked. The phrase “without moving his feet” has been deleted.Players who enter the penalty area before the ball has been kicked need not now be cautioned.Law 16 – The goal kickA goal may be scored directly from a goal kick.Law 17 – The corner kickThe ball is placed inside the corner arc at the nearest corner flag post.The ball is in play when it is kicked and moves.Mandatory instructions to referees1: Referees must not permit goalkeepers to take more than four steps while holding the ball as stipulated in Law 12.2: If the goalkeeper holds the ball for longer than 5 to 6 seconds, the referee must adjudge it as time-wasting and award an indirect free- kick.3: Under no circumstances may the referee take part in any experiment either with the laws or with anything else, such as wearing a microphone during the match, without proper authorisation.. At least there’ll be no more oohing and aahing at Old Trafford, and dear old Ronny Rosenthal is no longer around to miss his usual hatful of sitters down at White Hart Lane Strangely, he will be missed The words “devil you know” spring to mind..